Blog 6: Memoir Rough Draft

There Cannot Be Good Without Bad

Change is inevitable. Everyone has a moment in their life where they recognize themselves changing. The changing moment in my life was a split second, but the longest second of my life.

            “I’m afraid it’s fully torn,” Dr. Galloway said, “You will need full ACL Reconstruction surgery.” As I glanced around the room at my parents, their figures became blurry as my eyes filled with tears. Denial was first. This can’t be happening, I thought to myself. I’ve worked too hard. Maybe the doctor is wrong. I should get another look. I can still feel the stillness I felt in that office as emotions poured over me: emotions of anger, depression, and disbelief.

There were 14 minutes and 38 seconds left in the first half of my soccer game. Pain shot up my leg. I pressed my hands against the ground in a failed attempt to stand up. But a few moments later, darkness overcame me as my eyes closed, trying to hold in the tears. The sound of the whistle blew as the referee stopped the game to tend to the injured: me. As soon as my coach realized that getting up on my own was not an option, he sprinted onto the field to help me. That feeling, the feeling of not being able to stand on my own, not being able to straighten my leg, was excruciating, not only physically, but mentally as well. My body became poisoned with fear as I watched my knee swell before my eyes.

            One second was all it took. One second in a high school soccer game sent me to Dr. Galloway’s office, where I heard the news that every soccer player dreads until their final game. It was this one second that would forever change my outlook on life.

In the grand scheme of life, soccer is just a game, and I am not under the impression that it is anything more. But the game brought so much to my life; character, joy, determination, and something to always work for. This game consumed me completely, and that is the way I wanted it to be. It’s been my dream since I was seven years old to play in college, but with that pivotal second came many things that would make this dream much more difficult. Despite these hardships, my journey to recovery began.

The ‘easy’ tasks no longer came easy to me, as my leg was held in a permanent 180 degree angle. I began to pity myself. I had to shower with a trash bag over my leg, I couldn't dress myself to any extent, and the game of soccer disappeared, leaving a gaping hole in my life.

Then one ordinary Thursday morning, I put a sock on my foot- by myself- for the first time in three weeks. This was pure joy. And this is when I realized that a single second would shape who I am forever. I was the happiest I had been in a long time because of such a small accomplishment. But it was something that I had always taken for granted. Who really appreciates the ability to put a sock on? From this moment on, I would appreciate it, and
the many other things in life that I had before taken for granted.

Going up the steps, taking showers, dressing myself, kicking a ball, and even just walking without crutches seemed much more glamorous after this moment.

Family is forever. Relationships strengthened with everyone in the house as I became much more dependent. My mom was there for me through everything; helping me get dressed, maneuver around the house, and mostly just to put up with the high maintenance version of myself that was attached to the couch for a while. But she never once complained, and that inspired me.  

The great philosopher Augustine once said, “There cannot be good without bad.”  That moment that I overcame the great, simple challenge of dressing my foot with a sock changed me for the better, so I decided to take this moment and run -or in my case crutch- with it.

This injury didn’t happen to set me back, it happened to lift me higher. That one second at a high school soccer game did change my life, but not in the way that I had expected it. I became stronger, more appreciative, less naïve, and to my surprise, a whole lot happier. There cannot be good without bad.